Mouldiewart's REAL Diary 7th Year
by aImLeSs RaMpAgE
Summary: Mouldie's diary in his 7th year at Hogwarts. His ravings about world domination and how he has found love. Warning: containts bad Mouldiewart poetry!! Enjoy, laugh, cry, run away in horror! R/R


Disclaimer: we does not own them… honest!! So don't sue us… unless you want about 5cents and some pre-chewed chewing gum!!

AN: hehehe…. We have chocolate milkshakes!! CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES!!!!!!!! Ah hahahahaha!! Be afraid…. Veeeeery afraid! *goes off into insane mutterings*

**Mouldiewart's Diary (while he is still in school)**

****

Day One

I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!! PHEAR MY WRATH!!! I am no longer Tom Riddle, but the ALL POWERFUL VOLDEMORT!! AH HAHAHAHA!! They shall soon be all mine… all of them!! And I shall rule the world with my many minions under my feet!!!! Mwaa haa haahhahaa! I WILL rule the world!! I have a plan with a CAPITAL 'P'! Now I must go off and create this plan…

All my love to myself,

Voldemort, the one who WILL rule the world… when he figures out how…

Day Six

Stupid Dumbledore… giving me a detention for not handing in my Transfiguration essay… how can he give ME, the all powerful Voldemort a detention!!! For not handing in a mere Transfiguration essay which only counts for 99.999999% of this semester's marks! Stupid Dumbledore… must go off and formulate plan to have him killed… after I am ruling the world….

Hugs and Kisses,

Voldemort, the great and powerful… who doesn't need to hand in stupid essays…

Day Eighteen

I have found the reason for my living… other than to rule the world. I saw HER today… I was sitting in Charms when SHE took the seat next to me. It was if I had been born again. Never had I seen such a beauty before… apart from when I look in the mirror. Unfortunately, SHE is a… Gryffindor. And even MORE unfortunately, SHE, my loverly angel is dating that evil, stinking, PERFECT Potter, my arch arch arch enemy. But that will all change when I am ruler of the world and I kill him. Yes… that will do nicely… MWAA HAHAHAHHA!!!

The much inlovéd,

Voldewort

Day Thirty

Stupid school with it's stupid anti-pipe policy… one day _I _will rule this school and I will have a COMPLUSORY pipe smoking policy… stupid school…

The nicotine deprived,

Voldemort

Day Forty-eight

I love her, I love her I really really love her. I love her so much that I have written a LOVE ballad for her. It goes like this:

*insert her name here, which I don't yet know*, oh how I love you!

Your eyes, they shine like oil on the ground,

And you smell just like my aftershave.

When I am king of this world,

You shall be my queeeeeeeeen!

Oh *insert her name here*, your hair, it flows like molten lead,

And your lips, as red as an over-ripe tomato.

Oh *insert her name here* how I DO. LOVE. YOU!

YOU YOU YOOOOOOOUUUU!!

It's a pity I don't know what her name is… the ballad would work so much better if it did. Well, I'm off to learn how to sing and play muggle (PAH! MUGGLE) instrument, the guy-tar, so she will be thrilled with my skill. THEN I'll take over the world.

The love sick,

Voldemort

Day Forty-nine

Stupid Potter with his stupid friends, stupid beat stupid me… wait… BAH! Stupid potter… beat me up for singing (he said 'caterwauling') my wondiferously fantabulous (he said 'earsplittingly terrible) love ballad (he called it an 'it'). Stupid Potter… hate Potter… but SHE liked it! SHE ran away to freshen up for me... But I have charms tomorrow… and charms means HER!! Maybe I'll find out her name tomorrow… I really must do that sometime soon…

Off to rule the world and back again,

Voldemort

Day Fifty

My little lamb is playing hard to get. She sat on the other side of the room and kept screaming whenever I went near her. It's a ploy, I can tell. But I can see through her!!

Voldelove.

Day Eighty,

Stupid Professor Dippet… he put me in solitary confinement for THIRTY DAYS! I couldn't see HER at all!! Nor write in this wonderful diary! Sigh. Just because I failed all my classes and then tried to kill all my teachers. It's NO reason to get angry.

The deprived of her great beauty,

Voldemort.

Day Ninety-Nine

Stupid detentions. Apparently I am NOT forgiven for my attempts at murder, and I must clean toilets. They have taken away my headboy badge, but if I'm good, I'll get it back…

The much annoyed and now good,

Lord Voldemort (QUIVER AT MY NAME, PETTY MORTAL)

Day One Hundred and Eight

I have found her name!!! Some weirdo told me!!!! How I love her!

Oh Mary, oh Mary,

So sweet and contrary.

One minute running,

One minute screaming,

I will stab Potter in his chest so hairy…

Then you will be mine!

Volde.

WHY ARE YOU OBSESSING OVER MY GIRLFRIEND YOU SICK TWERPY THING CREATURE BEAST?!?! SHE'S NOT YOURS! AND HER NAME IS ELLEN!!!!!! MORON!

Potter (why did I use my surname - stuff this *insert huge rip in page here*.)

Day Two Hundred and Ninety.

After recovering my precious diary from that horrible pitbeast Potter, I attempted to kill him by ripping off his head. Unfortunately, I ripped off Anita Black's (AN: Sirius's aunt) head instead, and was forced to frame Malfoy. He IS my best follower, but I'm sure he'll bear his time in Azakaban with pride. I would have, but fate calls me to follow my destiny towards dominating the world and marring Jessica. I mean Suki. I mean Ellen.

The framer,

Voldemort.

Last Day

I am writing this during graduation… so I don't have to concentrate on Potter's stupid speech… stupid Potter…. WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! HOLD ON A SEC!! WHAT THE HELL???? He's proposing to MY beloved Mary…. I mean Hannah… I mean Ellen. HOW DARE HE!! And NOOOOOOOOO!!!! She said yes!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Damn you to hell Potter!! I will kill you!! And your children! And your children's children! And your children's children's children! And your children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's CHILDREN!!! I WILL KILL YOU ALL!! Damn you all to hell…. Well… must be off to rule the world and kill Potter and all his descendants…

Much love to me, much hate to Potter,

Lord Voldemort… PHERE MY WHRATH POTTER!!!

AN… well… that was a change of heart, eh? Hope ya enjoyed it… we felt it gave a better reason for Voldemort to want to kill James and Harry and not Lily. Notice he didn't say he would kill the wives…hehehe… OH yeah… for all those confuzzed peoples out there… THIS Potter in the story was James' dad… leave a review… sorry it's a bit… hyper… THEY GAVE US COKE AND CHOCOLATE!! And phere IS meant to be spelt like that…


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